I've Moved!!!!

Hello Dear Readers,

Feed Your Soul, Feed Your Body Blog has moved to: wwww.freedomandfulfillment.blogspot.com/

Please visit me there.

Lindsay, Dina, and Me

It seems like the media can only go a couple of months without reporting on the comings and goings of Lindsay Lohan. What is the media’s fascination with her? Oh right, I always forget what’s driving that train--Dina.

I went to high school with Dina Lohan. We were in a dance program together that had only 40 girls. Dina was by far the best dancer and most stunning girl in the bunch. We were all sure that she’d hit Broadway right after graduation and never look back. We were so wrong.

I lost touch with Dina right after the program ended but I found out that she went on to dance with the Rockettes for a short time and soon after marry that sociopath Michael Lohan. She had Lindsay only 4 years after graduating high school. That was the end of the dance career. When I found out the path that her life ended up taking I was shocked. It was incredible to me that so much talent went to waste and it made sense why she had started Lindsay modeling from the time she exited the womb. She dragged that kid to auditions, acting lessons, dance lessons, you name it. She did everything with her that she should have done herself.

It’s a shame that Dina values celebrity more than being an artist. Dina gets a big kick out of being seen in night clubs in New York with Lindsay and telling everyone who doesn’t already know that she’s her mother. Recently she thought it would be a good idea to also add 15 year old Ally into the mix. How many women do you know that take their 15 year olds into clubs with them on a Saturday night?

I’ve always felt a lot of compassion for Lindsay because of knowing the back story about Dina. I can’t imagine the pressure that kid must have been under. In 2006 Vanity Fair did a cover story on Lindsay Lohan with a big interview which ended up being very controversial--especially for me. At that time I was taking my program, Feed Your Soul, Feed Your Body into high schools and colleges to bring awareness to young women of the dangers of obsessive dieting and chasing an unrealistic body size. I wrote a letter to Lindsay (which of course I never sent) that I would read to the girls as part of the workshop. I just came across it the other day. Here it is:

Dear Lindsay,

You don’t know me and we’ll most likely never meet, but I feel like I know you. Everytime I see you face on TV or plastered in People Magazine it brings me back to the performing arts program that I was in with your mother in high school. It’s amazing how much you look like her when she was 17.

Dina was very intimidating--she was an incredible dancer and one of the most gorgeous women I have ever seen--with a body to match. Everytime I saw her it was a reminder of my own shortcomings. I always felt fat and ugly around your mother. Actually I spent most of my adolescence feeling fat and ugly and being around your mother just intensified it. I didn’t feel like I had the right to breathe her air. It’s weird looking back on it now from this perspective, for many years I’ve felt beautiful, sexy and confident, yet when I think back to that time, it’s like I’m right back in high school feeling totally insecure and worthless. I wonder if in addition to the pressure that is put on women in Hollywood about their looks that having such a gorgeous Mom put some pressure on you also.

I was so ecstatic about your admission to Vanity Fair Magazine regarding your recent weight loss and bouts with bulimia. Do you know what a great thing you were doing for the women and girls of this country? My first thought was, “wow, here is a girl who has her head on straight and who is not going to be manipulated by the media. Here is a girl who is a woman who knows and at this young age she knows that it is important for her to tell the truth about her situation.”

I was so proud of you for just being honest in that interview. When we tell the truth about our struggle and stop pretending to be perfect, we reveal our humanity, which helps others embrace theirs and that is what connects us to each other. I believe sharing our personal difficulties in public is a sacred act.

You can imagine my disappointment when you released a statement the day after the magazine hit news stands denying that you said those things to Vanity Fair and that they misquoted you and took things out of context.

For one day I held the belief that maybe the tide is starting to turn. Maybe the women who are so pressured by Hollywood to be stick thin are finally going to speak up one by one about this tyranny. Because if you speak up, that will trickle down and some 12 year old girl may actually think twice before she starts that diet she’s been pondering. I understand that your handlers probably advised you on your recent actions. But could you at least admit that you were too thin and that you didn’t look good?

I’m guessing that when the article came out and you saw how amazing those pictures were that they took of you maybe you thought an admission in print running alongside the photos would somehow detract from those beautiful images.

Lindsay, I have a newsflash for you: thinness is not happiness. It is heartbreaking to me that I’ve only recently been able to grasp this concept. I spent so much time obsessing over my body and trying to lose weight. I’ll never get that time back and I ‘ve dedicated my future to helping the women and girls of the world stop this behavior.

My wish for you is that you someday find yourself with as much courage as you have talent and that you can just be honest about who you are and what you’re struggling with. The world so doesn’t need another pretty face.

cathy

Valerie, Marie, and Starr

I sat riveted the other day watching the Oprah Winfrey show as she interviewed the 3 skinnies staring down 50: Valerie Bertinelli, Marie Osmond, and Starr Jones. For me the interview with Starr Jones was kind of like watching a car wreck: it’s totally horrifying but you just can’t get yourself to look away.

It was all so hard to watch because I saw myself in these women. They were consumed with self-loathing and body hatred for so long and now here they were “living the dream.”

As they sat there talking about how great they felt and how wonderful their lives were I kept thinking, “what about the part about being hungry all the time? What about the part about structuring your life around your exercise routine? What about the part about not missing a work-out no matter what?

They never got to that part. They just kept going on and on about how euphoric the whole thing was. Let me just say for the record that maintaining a size 6 or under after the age of 35 is serious work. Yes the thrill of being thin either for the first time, or the first time in a long time kind of anesthetizes you but eventually it all wears off and you realize you are tired of being HUNGRY ALL THE TIME and sick of structuring your life around visits to the gym.

I managed to live like this for 10 years and then it occurred to me I hadn’t read a book since I didn’t know when. When I went to school for coaching I realized how much I missed intellectual pursuits and how little time I had for them. I realized that spending so much time exercising my body kept me from doing anything with my mind and being hungry all the time makes you irritable and spacey no matter how many times you check yourself out in the mirror and like what you see.

So now, I’m trying to have more balance and yes, in the interim I have definitely gained some weight but I am so, so much more available for life. And to Valerie, Marie, and Starr I say: eventually the thrill of being thin will wear off and you will have to deal with how out of balance your life has become to maintain your small size. I’m hoping by then, I’ll have my own show and I can tell them how I saw it coming.

I'm So Busy I Forgot to Blog

So here's my new logo for my coaching business. I'm really happy with how it came out. Lots of interesting things are happening such as putting together the The Magic of Yes retreat that will be happening this summer at Menla Mountain Center. I'm so excited to be able to realize this dream that I have had of creating a place for women who are stressed out and exhausted to reconnect with themselves. I hope that this is the first of many.

It looks like I will be running a few workshops in May at Oasis Day Spa in Westchester and Manhattan. I will post the details as soon as I have them. So for now, dear readers I would like to leave you with this thought:

The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes.
-Marcel Proust

Open to the possibilites.

It's not called re-entry for nothing

It's almost 4 weeks since I left for Tulum and I have just gotten it together to start blogging again. What an awesome trip. It was truly life-changing--I'm still trying to process alot of it. It would really help if I could just isolate myself for about 10 days--then I'm sure I could assimilate everything.

This is a photo of the morning walk that I took every day.

So much shifted for me while I was there that when I came home I realized that my anchors and what I relied on as my center no longer existed. It was so freeing but yet also alarming. Who am I without all my crap? I've spent the last two and a half weeks trying to figure that out. What is emerging is quite a pleasant surprise.

In this story we begin with the end; where the magic has already taken place, where the miracle has already occurred. We find our heroine alone on the beach looking at the ocean, breathing in the salt air, digging her feet in the white sand; drinking in the beauty that is all around, savoring everything.

And she says to herself silently, "this is it, this moment right here, right now--this feeling of expansion and bliss, I am so happy, I could stay in this spot forever." She then begins to eat the fruit salad in front of her and she realizes it's not the food that gives you the pleasure, it's your state of mind in the moment that creates it.

So simple, but so elusive.

Get Over It

Leave the girl alone. She looks awesome. Who cares if this is a skort!

All The Single Ladies--

Only three more days until all the singles have to feel like they’re outcasts. I hate Valentine’s Day. I hated it when I was single and I hate it now that I’m married--mostly because I have to watch my single friends feel bad about their status because Hallmark says everyone needs to be part of a couple to be happy! As if we all don’t have enough to feel bad about, now Hallmark has set a date for those who are not in a relationship to be reminded about it for two weeks in February. Not to mention the unreasonable expectation that it sets up for couples to get each other something fabulous and have some “super special” date. I’m not even going to start on the candy--that’s reason enough for me to be pissed off. Oh and people at Hallmark, I’ll get my husband a card that says I love him when I want to, not when you say I should.

My friend Jen had a great post on her blog for Valentine’s Day in 2007. She talked about how she had chosen to be single and extolled the benefits of her unencumbered lifestyle. After reading it I actually felt jealous of her.

I want to re-invent Valentine’s Day as a day to celebrate yourself and nurture your relationship with yourself whether you are in a couple or not. When was the last time you gave yourself some unconditional positive regard? When was the last time you did something frivolous for yourself just because you’ve always wanted to do it? Do you ever take time to acknowledge all the good things that you do and are?

This Valentine’s Day may I suggest beginning your self-love fest by doing any one or all of the following:

Call 800 flowers and send yourself the Valentine’s roses

Write yourself a love letter

Watch any of the following movies: Norma Rae, Erin Brokovich, Working Girl,and get inspired!

Read A Woman’s Worth by Marianne Williamson or Women Who Run With the Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estes.

Call yourself “darling” every time you speak to yourself in your mind

Happy Valentine’s Day My Lovelies--make sure to make at least some of it about you!

* Delicious
* Digg

Savor-ing

I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about the concept of pleasure. I know that like myself, many women use food as their primary or one of their primary sources of pleasure in life. I’ve been investigating other sources lately and in the process have found that it’s not so much about finding things that are pleasurable but finding the pleasure in things. And I believe there is a word for this--it’s called savoring.

Savor – to get enjoyment from.

I think this concept extends way beyond the enjoyment of food, which frankly much of the time I miss due to my judgment about what I’m eating, but that’s a long story for another post! I do know that it’s possible to savor people, places and things.

I have a friend who works at home and she takes a half hour break each day to go out and have a cup of tea at her local coffee shop. When she described to me how she sits and takes in the enviornment and really enjoys every sip of her tea- – I was kind of awestruck! Wow, I thought it’s just a cup of tea but she’s getting so much enjoyment out of it which leads me to believe...

Savoring has much less to do with the object being savored than it does with your state of mind.

You can savor anything, all it takes is consciousness and slowing down enough to allow yourself to really experience it. Savoring is a way to connect with an object or person but also a way to connect with yourself. It’s all happening too fast, too much, too soon. Let’s start slowing down and savoring all of the things we’ve worked so hard to get into our lives--our living spaces, the nature that’s around us, a piece of music, our friends, spouses, lovers. Let’s start by declaring 30 minutes a day to savor...something.

What will you savor today? I’d love to hear back from you!

Oprah, this one's for us

The other day on the Oprah show, Ms. Winfrey was doing an expose about her recent weight gain. She pretty much said everything that she said in the article in the January issue of "O" but on television you got to see the true intensity of her anger, shame and disappointment with herself. She was being so punitive I just couldn't believe it. I wanted to jump into the TV set and say Oprah, girl it's OK. This is your issue, this is how you act out when you don't know what to do. What you need here is compassion for yourself and your situation. Everyone has their thing that they do when they're under duress. Everyone.

My heart was really breaking for her in that moment as she chastised herself on national television. I felt humiliated for her because I have treated myself with the same cruelty and lack of understanding where it comes to food issues all of my life. There is nothing more transformative than being able to observe your own behavior in another. I thank you Oprah for allowing us to see your pain and for helping me to find new ways to deal with my own.

Stepped off the curb. Again.

It all started innocently enough with Christmas Eve dinner. Larry and I went out to an Italian restaurant where I planned to just eat a normal meal and that's it. No drinking, no dessert. While waiting for my beloved at the bar I ended up having a delightful glass of Rose at the suggestion of Joe, Centro’s most excellent barkeep. It was Christmas Eve, I was going to have a beautiful dinner with my husband so why not have a glass of wine at the bar. Then dear Joe poured me some of this incredible Blood Orange liqueur and after a few sips of that my judgment left the building. Once we sat down to dinner we ordered a bunch of appetizers and I had an incredible lobster risotto. We're still OK as far as I'm concerned and then they pull out the dessert menu. Homemade Baba Au Rhum? I'm not leaving without eating that. So now I'm officially off the reservation and the the bag of Lindt truffles that I had in the pantry at home is now fair game. Because I didn't have enough to eat at the restaurant. But mostly because they were there and because I could. Thursday was a lazy day and we had pasta and salad for dinner. By Saturday when I put on my jeans they were tight. My first thought was "3 days being off the program and already I’m gaining weight?" I was so disgusted and I felt such a loss of control—not about my eating but about my body. Why would my pants be tight from one day of overeating? I felt like hurling myself out a window and I could feel myself getting into that old familiar rage. How could I be on a 10 week cleanse and then have one day of overeating impact my body that much?. OK I wasn’t a model citizen on Thursday and Friday but I ate pretty normally. Was it the half a bag of popcorn at the movies on Thursday? Was it the two pieces of millet toast with butter on Friday? I mean really—is the margin for error that small?


It’s that feeling of constriction that I simply cannot tolerate—of having to watch every single morsel that I eat. I no longer have any interest in living that vigilant of a life. I did at one time, but at this point I’ve got other things I want to spend my time on. So here I am busting out of my jeans and wanting to scream my head off until I have no voice because I am so livid. The root of this monstrous emotion? Powerlessness. That's it in one word Just the thought that I do not have control over my own body is enough to make me want to kill. And what happens when those kinds of feelings come up? I overeat and the more I overeat the worse the situation gets.

So here was my week: Saturday—discovered that in going off my program for three days I already started to gain weight which made Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday “all you can eat” days. So now I’ve gained more weight and even fewer of my clothes fit me. I guess I’m not the only one starting the New Year this way and it certainly wouldn’t be the first time. Honestly, I just want to get on with my life and not have to worry about any of this. It’s so tedious and it’s something that I used to deal with on a daily basis for years. I’m tired, tired, tired of this ride and I want to get off. Right now.

It seems like my options are:

1. Start drinking again. Then I won’t care that nothing fits me.
2. Wear skirts with elastic waist bands. Then I’ll forget that nothing fits me.
3. Buy new clothes in a bigger size. Then everything will fit me.
4. Stop giving a shit. Then it won’t matter what does or does not fit me.

“Monty, I’d like what’s behind door #4 please.”
And Monty, I really really mean that.